Personal: Echoes of Light

 

My father's obituary

January 25th, 2025

• I was having a conversation with my sister over Messenger. During the conversation, she sent me something that reminded me of a deeply emotional memory from when my ex-boyfriend's daughter, Kira (age 7), passed away.
• Before Kira experienced brain death (on December 10th, 2016), her father and I had been prepared for the moment it would happen. We were told what to expect and what to watch out for. So, when her vitals tanked, we knew that she was experiencing brain death. In that moment, we both saw an orb of light exit her nose and float away, as though her soul were leaving her body. This occurred at the exact moment of her brain death, when her vitals tanked.
• After telling my sister about this incident, and while reflecting on Kira's passing, I had an unexpected vision of my father's death. My dad passed away on March 19th, 2010. He was 54 years of age, and I was 23 years of age. I, along with my sisters, my mother, and two of my nieces, were at his side when he died. I was sitting next to him when it happened, my hand on his shoulder. I had been carefully watching his breathing, because it had slowed and had become erratic. After a while, I noticed that he had stopped breathing, and I informed my mom that he was no longer breathing.
• Shortly after he had stopped breathing, one of my niece's (1 year old) began freaking out and crying inconsolably. She had been looking up toward the ceiling (up, over my head), near the corner of the living room next to the hallway that led to the bathroom. It's as if she could sense that something was in the room with us. I had to take her into my parent's bedroom to calm her down while arrangements were made.
• The vision I had was spontaneous and I've never quite had a vision like this one before. As such, I questioned it. I had intended to document the experience on my Bluesky, but didn't feel comfortable doing so. Due to the sensitive and questionable nature of the vision, I was reticent to put it out there to be exposed to criticism or ridicule. But I did compose a post. Instead of sharing it, I cut and pasted it into a note on my phone's notepad with the idea that I might eventually share it here.
• The vision I had was from his perspective at the moment of his death. He was formless, just like my many out-of-body experiences. I, as my father, found myself immediately detached from my/his body. I was floating up over his daughter's (my 23-year-old self) head, hovering near the same area that my niece had been looking at. He was completely emotionally removed from the dramatic scene before him. He was calm, just observing his death play out. That was it. That was the vision.

January 26th, 2025

• Last night, at 7:11pm CST, I received a message from my sister. She told me that she just gotten home from our mom's house. She said, "So we are sitting in the living room, chatting it up, and I see a light out of my peripherals shoot by in the hallway. Kinda in the bedroom. I told mom that my "eyes are messing with me," and she asks me, "You saw that too?" Oh, I got the goosebumps. I go in there and look in her room, then shut the door. Like one minute later, I turn around and the door is back open. We were freaked, lol."
• At 7:12pm, I respond, asking, "Like an orb or a flash?" I asked this because our last exchange had been about my ex-partner and I seeing that orb of light exit Kira's nose. I knew that if she told me that it was an orb of light, that it was directly related to the vision I'd had the night before of my father leaving his body.
• At 7:14pm, she responded, "Orb, but I don't know. Later I thought I saw a bug flying around the light, but mom said there hasn't been any bugs in the house and I never saw it again after that. It was quick like the orb. Mom said orb too. She said she sees it all the time, but that she thought it was her bad eyesight."
• I responded at 7:25pm with, "I think THAT was Dad." My mom and sister often equate nearly all of their paranormal experiences with it being related to my father's presence. But that's not something I usually agree with. So, for me to admit that it might be him this time, is not my typical response. (Wow! It's 8:17am on January 27th, 2025, and I am currently having deja vu as I am typing this out.)
• She then messaged me back around 7:27pm with, "[Nephew's name] kept looking and pointing in there. He went and opened the bedroom door, got scared and came running back in. Yeah, I think so too. I felt bad leaving mom, lol. She was spooked herself. She shut the door, shut the curtain she has hung in the hallway, and shut the light off."
• This orb sighting was in the same area I had seen in my vision the night before, near the hallway entrance that leads to the bedroom, aligning eerily with the memory of his passing. I felt like this was a confirmation of that vision that I had had.
• My sister also mentioned that her youngest child, my nephew, who is also now just one year old—the same age as my niece at the time of my dad's passing—had been pointing at the hallway and looking toward the same area. He opened the bedroom door, seemed startled, and quickly ran back, as though he had sensed or had witnessed something unusual. This mirrored my niece's behavior during my father's death. I even took her into my parent's bedroom (the same bedroom they said they saw the orb fly toward last night) to console her.
• I hesitated to share my vision with my sister when she was detailing this incident to me. Historically, my family has always dismissed or downplayed my experiences, which has taught me a lot about "knowing your audience." Unfortunately, it has also resulted in me having to work through a lot of self-doubt and second-guessing in my later years. It's partly why I am so diligent in chronicling and documenting my experiences. Not just to convince others, but to remind myself of their validity. One can easily argue and dismiss word of mouth testimonials, but it's a little more difficult to disregard timestamped evidence. (That being said, no amount of proof will convince those who're determined not to believe. There is no point in wasting effort on those individuals. And that's perfectly okay. We're only open to what we're ready for.) The following clip is one such example:

• Shortly after my text exchange with my sister, I noticed a faint ectoplasmic mist in my left peripheral vision.
• When I went to go find the clip you see above, which I have unlisted on a backup YouTube account, I noted a synchronicity:

Notice the caption: "A Stitch in Time."

• During a group text exchange on January 21st, 2025, I noted a synchronicity in regard to something that was shared by another member of the group (which I won't share the context of that synchronicity here, as to respect the privacy of the other individuals involved). Here is a screenshot of my texts:

• The blog post I am referring to can be found here. I shared a series of screenshots from an old Twitter archive. Here are the screenshots I shared in the group chat:

• I have reuploaded the full clip (with a minor edit/omission for privacy reasons) from that Halloween podcast (The Spiral) to Rumble, for additional context:

Disappearing Evidence

• I had considered sharing my vision with my sister. But I wasn't going to share it with her without some proof. Remembering that I had made a timestamped note in my phone's notepad, I went to look for it. Adding to the strange events, it was completely gone. 
• Similarly, I went to look up an old blog post (in a private blog) where I recount the events mentioned in The Spiral video. During a séance with three friends, a friend and I witnessed a spiraling vortex suddenly appear behind the friend (Renee) we see giving a testimonial in the video above. The other friend and I collectively gasped and screamed when we saw it suddenly manifest. By the time Renee had turned around, it was gone. The friend who had witnessed it with me was so upset by it, that she gathered up her things and left. Below is an excerpt from a blog post from April 23rd, 2012, where this incident is referenced:

"Okay... so my friend and I had a particularly strange experience yesterday and it got me to realize that these paranormal experiences seem to ramp up whenever I have company... As if, whatever it is, wants to show off/get the attention to/of my friends. I may have mentioned to a few of you the spiral in my kitchen that several of us witnessed, finding/seeing random doors open, etc. And most of these 'disturbances' happened when I had friends over."

• Just like the disappearing note I had thought about sharing with my sister, whatever blog entries I may have made about the spiral incident no longer exist. I've even checked both of my Twitter archives for mentions of this event and couldn't find anything. I know that I have shared a written statement about this before, but apparently, all such records are all gone. (Change, Rearrange.)
• In the future, I will share that full blog post. But it will be its own topic of discussion altogether. The title of that entry is "Everybody Wants to be a Cat." I had intended to include the following movie poster in Part 3 of The Observer Effect, but feel like it's appropriate here too:

"A cat has nine lives. Three for playing, three for straying, and three for staying."

Update:
(at 9:44am on January 27th, 2025)

I completely forgot to mention a few disturbing things that happened before I went to sleep last night! I did make a post on Bluesky about this and will embed that below. I began having sinister visions, not the usual kind. They felt like hallucinations from a bad acid trip (Choronzon). But there was a full-bodied apparition that preceded these visions. Similar to what I've been posting about in recent entries (The Observer Effect), I saw my doppelganger. It was a foot shorter than I am, but it resembled me. It was standing in front of my computer chair, at my desk. It looked like a necromantic version of myself.

 It reminded me of Samara in the movie The Ring. I don't normally get scared from visions or apparitions, but this deeply disturbed me. It reminded me of an experience I'd had with the infamous Hat Man (yet another topic of discussion for another time), an entity entirely distinct from the shadow people I've talked about elsewhere. If you're unfamiliar with this entity, just do a quick search for The Hat Man. There are countless historical reports of this Mothman-like being, and they are all extremely similar. Anyway, I'd had one confirmed encounter with the Hat Man when I was around 7 or 8 years of age. I've never forgotten it, and I've always prayed that I would never have the experience again.

Even though I didn't end up seeing this figure in my doorway or in a corner of my bedroom, I was worried I was going to. Because the doppelganger reminded me of the severed head (my head) that the Hat Man had conjured at my bedside when I was a little girl (while it was standing in the doorway). After I saw this doppelganger last night, I began receiving demented visuals (clairvoyance). Like I said, it reminded me of a bad acid trip. I kept seeing creepy characters with morphing faces, and I had the same sense of dread that I'd had when the Hat Man (who is briefly referenced in The Spiral video shared above) appeared in my door entryway nearly 30 years ago.

Some pretty terrifying visions tonight. Super demented. Disturbing. Not grotesque, but very sinister. I don't get visions like these very often. Don't like it. And I'm not going to describe them. There was an apparition at my computer desk too. But I can't even think about it, or I won't sleep.

[image or embed]

— HermaJestar (@hermajestar.com) January 26, 2025 at 10:13 PM

The Sphere of Practical Magick

 The Astral Light is synonymous with the Akasha. Yesod, which means Foundation, represents the Akashic sphere. This sphere signifies the etheric substance that forms the basis of matter. The term "substance" is insightful, as it implies something that stands beneath and supports. It literally means under (sub) and stand (stance). This etheric substance sustains all of creation. It represents the omnipresent primordial essence, and it forms the matrix upon which matter is built. This foundation acts as the blueprint for all phenomenal existence, and it is the sphere we engage with whenever we perform magickal rites or aim to manifest tangible outcomes.

#occultism pic.twitter.com/M1zM6GzHkO

— EL D🕸🐙R (@HermaJestar) August 4, 2024

"The zodiacal house of Scorpio is ruled by Samael and by Pluto (Hades), the lord of practical magic. Scorpio is the sign that rules the sexual organs; it discloses Daath, the marvelous Tree of Knowledge, since Daath is directly related with the ninth sphere of the Tree of Life, Yesod (foundation).

So, you can see on the hieroglyphic of the Tree of Life that the ninth sphere is at the very bottom, above Malkuth, the physical world. Yesod is called 'the doorway,' whether to the inferior dimensions (inferno) or to the superior dimensions (heaven). - Glorian.org

The Akasha permeates all space and time and serves as a repository for all events and all experiences. The dodecahedron, with its geometric perfection and balance, symbolizes the interconnectedness and foundational nature of the Akasha. If we were to overlay the medical astrology placements over the Kabbalistic Tree of Life, we would see that Scorpio is closely related to the sphere of Yesod.

When exploring the Astral Plane and the sphere of Yesod, which encompasses the subconscious and the Treasurehouse of Images, it's crucial to understand that appearances can be deceiving. The "False Light" of the Lunar Sphere, in particular, can lead to illusions.

Yesod, the ninth sephirah on the Kabbalistic Tree of Life, symbolizes the "Foundation" or the "bedrock"—the underlying layer of the psyche. It is also associated with the astral plane, sometimes referred to as the fourth dimension (4D).

The "false light" or "false visions" of Yesod are indicative of the potential for illusion and deception within this realm. Such deceptions may manifest as illusory experiences, misinterpretations of symbols, ego inflation, negative projections, and self-delusion.

The astral plane is replete with energies, parasites, and entities that may present misleading illusions, exploiting an individual's beliefs, fears, and desires.

Yesod represents the subconscious and the collective unconscious, where symbols and visions can be easily misconstrued. What appears may reflect one's desires or fears rather than reality.

These encounters can lead to an inflated spiritual ego, where individuals may believe they have achieved a higher level of spiritual attainment than is the case, potentially resulting in skipped steps, delusions of grandeur, dissociation, fragmentation, or premature advancement.

The risk of psychic overwhelm is significant in this sphere, potentially causing confusion, anxiety, and psychological disturbances. Excessive time spent in the astral plane without proper grounding can lead to dissociation and, in extreme cases, psychosis.

Chokmah and the Higher Sophia (Wisdom)

Chokmah (Wisdom), the second sephirah, is often referred to as the Higher Sophia. Chokmah represents boundless force and is the channel through which the initial divine impulse of Kether (Crown) begins to take form. It is associated with the archetypal male principle, the dynamic, active force of creation. The term "Sophia" means wisdom in Greek, and in Gnostic traditions, the Higher Sophia is a divine figure symbolizing wisdom in its pure, celestial form. 

Yesod and the Lower Sophia

Yesod, as well as the High Priestess in the tarot, is often linked to the Lower Sophia. We can see this connection plainly when we recognize that Yesod is the sphere of the moon, and the High Priestess is also associated with the moon. Both represent the subjective mind.

The High Priestess, in her Lunar phases of Maiden, Mother, and Crone, is the feminine Gatekeeper (note, also, the subtle link between Crone/Chronos, Binah, and the Sphinx). Yesod's vision is that of the Machinery of the Universe. The perpetual mechanism of Chronos stands as the masculine counterpart to the Crone. The paternal clockwork pat-turns-all. This is, perhaps, related to the imagery of the "beautiful naked man, very strong" that is often associated with Yesod. 

While Chokmah represents wisdom in its highest, most abstract form, Yesod embodies wisdom as it becomes manifest in the material world (often, through intuition). Yesod acts as a conduit, channeling and grounding the higher energies and archetypal patterns of Atziluth into the physical realm. In this context, the Lower Sophia represents the practical application and realization of wisdom in the everyday world. It is the point where abstract knowledge becomes tangible and actionable.

The Dodecahedron and the Mazzaroth

The dodecahedron, one of the five Platonic solids, is linked to the ether or the fifth element, symbolizing the cosmos and the hidden, underlying structure of the universe. It has twelve faces, which can be associated with the twelve signs of the zodiac, also known as the Mazzaroth in Hebrew tradition.

Chokmah is often associated with the sphere of the fixed stars and the zodiac. The dodecahedron’s twelve faces represent the celestial framework, and the cycles of time and existence governed by divine wisdom.

Clairaudience

Clairaudience, or "clear hearing", is the ability to hear tones beyond the three-dimensional world. This psychic faculty of hearing is largely influenced by the sphere of Venus, and her corresponding Zodiac sign of Taurus. Taurus relates to the throat chakra and the inner ear. Here we are connected to our inner guides through this inner hearing. Libra, also ruled by Venus, as well as the planetary sphere of Mercury are relative influences. Libra and Mercury are known mediators and messengers. Mercury is the sphere of communication. 

There are two major forms of clairaudience: Objective clairaudience and subjective clairaudience. Objective clairaudience comes in the form of disembodied voices or noises that can be heard as if they came from the outside. This can happen selectively or it can be heard by a group of people. For instance: A disembodied voice calls out from another room. In a nearby room, there is a group of people. Only one person might hear it or only a few of those people might hear it, but not everyone hears it. On the other hand, the entire group may hear the voice. The voice sounds physically audible, yet there is no discernible source.

Then there is subjective clairaudience. Subjective clairaudience is just the opposite in that it is internalized. The voices or sounds are heard mentally. This, too, can happen to several people at once or just the one person. This can be likened to, and can be a form of, telepathy.

Clairaudience is rather simple to develop. Silence your mind completely. Contrary to widespread belief, it doesn't have to be for very long. Allow whatever words or thoughts to pop into your head without trying to rationalize them away. Write them down and find yourself a dream dictionary to help you interpret the message. That message was conjured up by your subconscious mind and is richly symbolic for whatever life situations you are currently in. It really is as simple as that. The messages get muddled when we are being too critical or in a state of doubt.

The more you practice, the better you get at channeling and interpreting messages from beyond the veil. Even if it's something that doesn't make sense to you, like a name you've never heard. Search for the etymology of that name. Ponder it without trying to diminish it by being overly rational. A little discrimination is healthy, but too much will close us down.

It's just like tuning a radio. Sometimes it takes a little while to get the station to come in just right, but once you do, it gets easier to hit that "sweet spot". Just like when learning any new skill, you must practice. You must lift weights daily to sculpt out muscles. The more you run, the farther you can run. It's the same thing.